カラフルアンチノミー
by 芝田りか
Book Club Date:October 2026
📖 Book Summary
The protagonist, Fumi Tsukioka, is a 30-year-old office worker who is constantly worrying about what other people think of her. She admires women who are independent and live life on their own terms, yet deep down, she also longs for someone who will accept her completely. One day, encouraged by a younger colleague, she starts using a dating app. Expecting to meet a man who fits her type, she is surprised when the person who turns up is actually a handsome woman. This unexpected encounter brings a new sense of possibility to a life that had felt stuck for some time.
✍️ Reading Notes
From an early age, we seem to learn how to be someone others will like. As children, we are expected to be well-behaved and sensible. At school, we should get good grades and fit in. Once we start working, we are expected to be reliable and efficient. And by a certain age, we are somehow supposed to have a stable job, a mature personality and a clear plan for our lives. These expectations are not necessarily bad in themselves, but when we become too accustomed to living by other people's standards, we can easily forget to ask ourselves: What do I actually want? Fumi's dilemma is much the same. She wants to become an independent adult, yet she also hopes someone will help ease her anxieties and reassure her of her own worth. It is easy to interpret these feelings as a sign of immaturity, as though being truly independent means no longer needing comfort from others. But why can't we learn to look after ourselves while still wishing for someone who can hold us when we feel vulnerable? We often imagine maturity as a finished state: no more uncertainty, no more dependence on others, and no more being hurt by a passing remark. Real life, however, is far messier than that. Even if we can manage our jobs, pay our bills and organise our own lives, it doesn't mean we've suddenly learnt how to love ourselves. Adults still feel jealous, hesitate, crave praise and wonder whether they're the only ones falling behind when they see other people getting on so well. Interestingly, the story begins with a dating app. These platforms encourage us to make quick judgements: Is their photo attractive? Does their personality match what we're looking for? Do they tick the right boxes? With a few photos, a short bio and a swipe of the finger, we seem able to decide within seconds whether someone is worth getting to know. Fumi's unexpected encounter disrupts these assumptions, giving her the chance to meet someone who falls outside the boundaries of her imagination. What makes Colorful Antinomy so relatable is that it doesn't demand that its characters instantly become confident, carefree people who always know exactly what they want. It allows them to be awkward and contradictory, and to keep some questions unresolved even as they grow. Perhaps we don't need to rush into moulding ourselves into perfectly consistent adults. Instead of asking ourselves every day, “What will people think if I do this?”, perhaps there's another question worth practising: If I didn't have to explain myself to anyone for a while, what would I choose?
💬 Discussion Points
- 1What does it mean to be an independent woman? Does it mean being emotionally strong and never relying on anyone, or being financially self-sufficient? When dealing with anxiety and loneliness, how should an “independent woman” navigate these feelings? Have you ever felt ashamed of yourself for having thoughts or needs that seemed not “independent” enough?
- 2Has anyone used a dating app for something other than dating men? (Book Digest once used a dating app to promote our book club, haha!)
- 3Why is it so hard to make new friends as an adult? Do you feel that finding a group of women who genuinely share your values takes time, patience and a bit of exploration?